Jun 30, 2016, 10:49 AM, a missive to my dearest . . . oh, better not say.
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Dearest Harold (the Hoarder),
Thank
you for your message. I read it with compassion, but a pain in my
heart. Compassion we need not dwell upon, mere sentimental and useless
BS. But of pain must I speak, being a person of the cloth, your humble
servant, bringing you ideas and words you, sadly, cast into the
wasteland from which your materialism grows. My faith in your salvation
continues, and so . . .
I recall you once
threw a dildo away. Blessings, my son, for therein is an evil material
thing. Why, with dildos, what woman has use of a man and his member? Is
it not better to cast the thing from you and use your own, Gypsy-given
tool to satisfy yourself and your woman? Besides, dildos need batteries
to work and they wear out and you have to buy more. With a dildo you
now have more things to worry about. You performed a good deed by
casting that thilthy thing aside.
I recall you
once hoarded an empty box. Is it not so? Cast it also away. It is the
occasion for sin, for you might put something in it and then where will
you be? A man with a box now filled--you have two material things
whereas before you had one. See how this error in your ways multiplies?
And what if you put more than one thing in the box? You will forget all
of what you have in there before nature takes your memory away from you
naturally. What a tragedy! We need no stinking boxes.
Does
not the scripture say that to enter the kingdom of heaven you must pass
through the eye of a needle? It indeed does. In the Holy Book of Gypsy
it says that the damned will swim in their belongings on the lowest
level of hell, for there is where all human waste and material objects
will sink and mire those who would not forsake and let go with their
grubby little hands that which they could not part.
Ah,
pain in my heart. Save thy self before it is too late. You don't wish
after you part to be thrown into that infinite storage unit below with
all that crap and all the crap that other hoarders and materialists have
accumulated. Think of it. All that plastic and refuse and tools you
can't use in the afterlife. You will be unable to grasp any of it with
your immaterial hands. You will still, however, get a monthly bill for
storage. Material hell is not a fair nor pleasant place.
Ponder and continue to pay until you are forced to yell, "Uncle!" or, "Pastor, help me. Help me. I'm drowning. I'm drowning."
So
ends this message from Word-of-the-Day Salvation and Redemption
services, a non-profit church for the overly burdened souls of color on
this earth. You being a whitie of some pinkish color, not politically of
course.
I.M. Free
PS Where did you throw that dildo? Is there any way of recovering that and having a quick . . . ?
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