Natural Bohemia

[Promotional copy for an incubating business.]

"Locally Produced and Handcrafted Natural Products"

XXXXX, Proprietress

Natural Bohemia offers handcrafted personal care and food products for local shoppers in Umbria and Bohemia. Through selected retail outlets, farmers' and festival markets, custom orders, and online shops, Natural Bohemia personally and proudly offers unique Italian and Czech specialty items.

Your Natural Bohemia product always comes from people who made it with their hands working with traditional tools in time-proven ways. The hunter-gatherer in you will find your needs fulfilled for living with nature. In addition to producing its own unique goods, Natural Bohemia has done the hunting and gathering for you.

See what's in the store: www.naturalbohemia.com

Follow Natural Bohemia on Facebook: www.facebook.com/naturalbohemia

Have you showered, shaved or shampooed with pure olive oil soap lightly scented with lavender picked from a wild Umbrian field? If not, your skin needs this care and treatment. Washing becomes less routine and more like a ritual to which nature invites you.

Have you tasted the olive oil from a neighbor's grove yet? The oil that comes from hand-picked olives rushed to the local press and lovingly packaged for you? Take a bite of plain white toast soaked in the stuff. Store-bought oil will never match this standard, or give as much pleasure.

Have you ever realized the health benefits of eating honey and using beeswax cosmetics from native woods and fields? Whether for sweet consumption, the soft glow from a naturally scented candle or body application and skin regeneration, these products make harmonious living intimate.

Natural Bohemia, the natural choice for Czech and Italian specialties.

It's the little things

Isn't it? Today it's the jam jar. Have a look.

Imagine my dismay as the product nears depletion; the container it came in prevents me from savoring the last berries and globules of nectar. No spoon or knife can get into the ridges at top and bottom of this jar, and the nub at the bottom obstructs any clean swipe with ordinary tools I can find in my kitchen. Alas.

If science and its handmaiden technology cannot by this point in history work together to make breakfast or tea time frustration-free zones in our otherwise trivia-filled lives, what's the hope? There is no progress in certain sectors of my world. Yours?

As I stretch my mouth around the jam jar's opening and stick my inadequately sized tongue in to lick the uppermost ridge of the jar while the beard on my chin acquires a new color and consistency, I must contradict Stewart Brand, who I otherwise almost always agree with when virtually having him join me for breakfast via The Edge:

When you scan through a newspaper or magazine, all the human interest stuff is the same old he-said-she-said, the politics and economics the same sorry cyclic dramas, the fashions a pathetic illusion of newness, and even the technology is predictable if you know the science. Human nature doesn't change much; science does, and the change accrues, altering the world irreversibly.

Scientists, engineers, designers (in this case German), people! Unite. We need a better jam jar. I await accrued changes to improve my world irreversibly, specifically with regard to this one, little thing.

Wholly crap, or you can make this shit up yourself

Recent headlines (copied verbatim) lead to imaginary news stories. If you are into political correctness, read no further.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2525253/Model-Sally-Gifford-Piper-star-hit-Photoshop-video-gets-fat-Santa-makeover.html

Holiday shoppers love the gift that's never returned

A new trend is worrying business owners. This year store-bought gifts are not being returned to shops or gift-givers. Consequently, people's homes are filling up with an alarmingly large number of white elephants waiting anxiously for re-gifting. Marketing gurus and psychologists have united in trying to discover why this hoarding craze is filling up garages, attics and basements. One observer notes that re-gifting of white elephants is passe. Americans used to have a love affair with false sentiment, especially among their closest friends who got the unwanted crap. Giving the gift that keeps on getting given seems to have lost its luster.

Confidence Rises to Five-Month High as Americans Cheer Discounts

Shoppers entered stores congratulating one another with high-fives and loud cheers and whistles as they bought up all the crap they could find to fill their closets, garages and rented storage units. "Sales are the reason to buy," one shopper said. "It inspires me and gives me the inner strength to meet my obligations and excel in everything I do." Skeptics questioned the strategy, wondering what would happen if prices went back to their normally inflated levels.

Brazil Grapples With Mosquito-borne Virus

Exciting matches between a behemoth state and a microscopic one unfortunately weighed in favor of the viruses because Brazil, the fourth largest country in the world, had no hands small enough to grab hold of the little buggers. One disgruntled fan at an internationally televised match complained about the inability to see what was really going on and how his favorite virus fared against a goliath. The promotion for this event, he said, "was just crap."

Wild crows use tiny cameras to film themselves using tools

There was loud kawing and crowing as the birds took pictures of their fellow workers manipulating their new tools. But it all went south when the birds protested that they couldn't upload their photos to Instagram and Facebook. They complained they had no way to pay with a credit card for their internet service.

The black (and decker) crows: They use tools

But the white ones (crows) haven't learned how yet, because they say they need electricity to power their tools. The black crows figured out a way to sit on power lines and plug their tools into the grid. Unfortunately, they haven't found a extension cords long enough to do anything useful.

Brain dead" man wakes after father's threat to shoot medics

"I was just having this dream of world peace when dad, as usual, woke me up with his NRA rant," said the gun-toter's son, an advocate for banning all firearms. He told Fox News that he was going back into a coma as a  protest until enough people got shot that people like his father went back on their meds, or attended civilizing classes at the Leave-Others-the-Fuck-Alone school for big boys with crap for brains.

Police say they seek 400-pound bearded woman in stabbing

A case of hide-and-seek gone wrong--police claim assailant is not playing fair by hiding where they can't see or recognize her. "It is as if she disappeared into thin air," said one policeman who asked to remain anonymous. He said she failed to reveal herself even after he repeatedly called "Olly olly oxen free." He threw up his hands in frustration saying, "This crappy game sucks."

Man donates $15G Rolex to Newburyport Salvation Army

"Wonder of wonders," said the Army volunteer who stood outside Walmart collecting donations for the poor and needy. However, the Army Commander is now at a loss as to what to do with the expensive donation. He said no one on the street needed such an expensive watch and no one in any Salvation Army store could afford to buy one. He said, as a contribution to the cause of giving, he would wear the watch for the upcoming spring golf tournament to show how successful past charitable campaigns had fared.

Queen Gives Traditional Christmas Day Message

(If you heard it last year and the year before, you can probably skip it. Same old. . . .)

Treat 'normal' blood pressure to save lives: study urges

A new life-saving advisory for healthy people has been touted by American doctors--take meds before your non-existent symptoms and conditions appear. The wellness strategy apparently grows out of foreign policy think tanks, institutions currently having exhausted anything really important to think about. They seem to be extending the logic of their most successful policy advice ever, "preemptive strikes to eliminate unwanted civilians in undeclared wars."

Why The Christmas Full Moon Is Even More Important Than You Thought

The puzzling appearance of the full moon on Christmas signals that earthly phenomena such as tides and increased incidence of menstrual cramps will make hell for seamen who wish to dock for the holidays and enjoy quality family time with long suffering wives such as have been portrayed in sentimental nineteenth century novels of adventure and once-a-decade marital unions . . .

Ran out of steam but feel free to continue by gathering the headlines and letting the silliness flow, An antidote to all the weird and unsettling news, and non-news.

Shalott/Shalot*

A woman stands full frontal naked with a tropea onion in one hand, extended with straight arm at eye level as if offering it to taste or to take. In the other hand hanging by her side, she holds a red scarf as if in reserve for her courtly lover. She has natural red hair--luscious long or punk short--and a plaintive look without deep sorrow, more like yearning for love to be returned. She wears a round, polished silver pendant on a long silver chain. Add a medieval tapestry draped over a row boat in the background. On the boat are the words "Lady of", but the phrase's completion is blocked by the woman's body. No gossamer or other tricks. Minimalist, no makeup, no distractions. Possibly somewhere inconspicuous, a seeming misplaced CD jewel case. The woman is looking directly into the camera's eye. The focal point is the face and the expression. The rest is context.

___

* A proposed art photo along the lines of a friend's fine work.

3 X 51 symmetry

Youth dismisses obtuse others--uninformed at best; stupid are the worst. They don't understand and can't. We are special; we know it. Self-assured, cock-sure. But no one will have us and appreciate our depth of knowledge and self-evident insights. We are old souls if we had heard of such a thing.

Mid-age brings true know-how and smarts. We exercise our special talents with acts of excellence. We would spread our wings, venture  into unknown lands and occupations. But most often we do what we know and have become so proficient at. Dreams live still of making that difference, helping, or something more.

Old age brings the same in accumulation. We have all of youth, a career or two to reap the best from. Perhaps personal successes and love--to share for some new young venture or need, or just tell someone? There's no audience. We are no longer needed, if we ever were.

. . . I still would live to 153 just to see what happens.

Invite

each and every One not the same
with separate dreams separate stories
gracefully told old and young . . .
if only asked.

Before the lights go out and we to bed
let us hear record these retell
ourselves and those to take our places
this and each in every place.

Each at the center the world we matter
our dreams our stories preserving preserve
and honor our being here and having been.
Listen and repeat we never die.

Start a point and all directions
let the magic reach round the world
to show this whole and one and center
reaching full circle in dignity's fullness.

We are each One and not the same
not the dreams not the stories when
we listen each round the world . . .
round our lives.

Invite.

to be these ways

I am subject, me,
for my object, you.
Fortunately.
I am pretty.
you are too.
Then you are subject
and I your object.
Nothing wrong.
It's just like that.
And deep in sex
we back and forth,
me the one,
you the other,
you the one,
me like you.
Forth and back
till we be come
the one in love,
knowing its ok
to be these ways.
Yes, we the selfish,
we come back
to where we start
again, again and 'gain.